Our human will never let us eat her pet parrots, and we're at peace with that.
We will not puff our entire body to twice its size for no reason after our human has finished watching a horror movie.
We will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
We will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that we're getting plenty of roughage.
We will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
We will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.
Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.
We cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If we forget this and bonk our heads on the window and fall behind the couch in our attempt, we will not get up and do the same thing again.
We will not assume the patio door is open when we race outside to chase leaves.
We will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe our bottoms.
If we bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
Birds do not come from the bird feeder. we will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.
we will not stuff our rather large selves into the rather small bird feeder, with our tails hanging out one side and expect the birds to just fly in.
We will not teach the parrots to meow in a loud and raucous manner. (Too late!)
The dog can see us coming when we stalk him. He can see us and will move out of the way when we pounce, letting us smash into floors and walls. That does not mean we should take it as a personal insult when our humans sit there and laugh.
We will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When our human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight our lovely tails.
we will not walk on the keyboard when our human is typing important emiongaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tvg aa35 a.
we will not drag the magnets and the papers they're holding off the refridgerator and then bat them underneath so that they stick to the underside.
we will not be miffed at our human all day and then kiss her on the nose at 2:00am to tell her she is forgiven and may now pet us.
Of course, we don't really mean any of that!
Thomas O'Toole, Charlie O'Marley and Lola Fannola x